Sleepless in Yisrael

This is beyond exciting!

My (previous) synagogue is doing one of those solidarity mega missions to Israel, California branch. This is one of those concerted efforts by several synagogues within all movements in California to let Israelis know that they are not alone. And itineraries are mix-and-match, so you don't have to stay with your own group all of the time. This is a dream come true for me. In more mundane but not insignificant terms, I like the rabbi. I know the people. Being with this synagogue group is familiar and fairly comfortable. Like family (and all that implies). But for me it is all so much more than that.

I attended an orientation meeting today and even found a shidduch (match) for a roommate- the teen daughter of people I know really well who are heavily involved in shul life. In fact, the husband and father chairs the Social Action Committee. His daughter, R, is amazingly earnest in her pursuit of kedusha (holiness) and Jewish study, and wants to be a cantor. If you are single, it is that much harder to take a tour, and that much more expensive- like being penalised, so I am breathing a sigh of relief. All I need to do now is come up wiih the cash. This means dipping into my nest egg- meant as a cushion against disaster or to ease the pangs of future retirement. I haven't fully decided yet. But the idea of going to Israel makes me cry .

The salesperson began by stressing that Israel needs our support (and our money). Well, he hooked me there. Even though I have heard this before. For as much as I need Israel, Israel also needs us. Israel won't be getting too much of my money but it certainly has all of my support and my heart, and (I hope) my physical presence. I have never been there. I argue with myself that this may be the only very fine opportunity I have where all the elements seem so right. It feels like bashert; I have been dreaming about this, longing for it, knowing full well it might not happen, ever. You never know what life might bring tomorrow. I argue with myself that even my little nest egg buffer, in the scheme of things, is really not going to elevate my life materially that much in the future, so why not use it now while I am alive and able? Barring any unforeseen difficulties, I seem hell bent on doing this. My heart is warring still, with my head. I need to let the family know by the end of October, though I would prefer to give an answer soon. All I know for certain is that I want to go to Israel. Well, okay, my entire being desires it- my love "leaps like a gazelle". It's the solid, unadorned truth.

The questions at the meeting were great. Question: considering jet lag, can we start later in the day? This is a week's mission so we don't have much time (alas!). Answer: yes, if all on the bus agree. There was much joking about 10 Jews going 11 different ways and 3 Jews needing 4 buses. Question: what to wear for the end of December? Answer: whatever you're wearing in LA weather. Geez, I don't recall now. If someone from Israel is reading, please let me know. Question: can we walk the streets of Jerusalem the way we could 20 years ago? Answer: No. It is best to not take the risk. I was quite disappointed because you don't have to keep to the itinerary, and exploring the old sections of Jerusalem would have been so fantastic. Oh well. Question: What about security? Chances are we will be flying El Al (which makes me feel as secure as is humanly possible). They have also discovered that armed guards on buses just make people more nervous (no kidding?!). It's rather telling that others are worried about security and I am not. I think it's because they have much to live for and perhaps at the moment I don't feel that way.

One of the questions aired by our rabbi was whether we can visit synagogues other than the Great Synagogue in Tel Aviv (I am not sure if it was Tel Aviv cause my gorgeous brochures went missing, a whole other story) on Shabbat, as opposed to the "not-so-great" synagogue (heh). The rabbi and I had a little tête à tête about this one. Answer from the salesperson: of course, you can worship where you like. The rabbi mentioned that it was Orthodox. That women sat separately, etc. And I realised that for people like him who have been to Israel time after time, and lived there, that this would be old hat. I told him it was all new to me and that I wanted to experience things I hadn't before*. Also, "when in Rome....etc". Hey, I can handle the separation thing- just not for a lifetime. By the way, my best friend L asked why it was called a "great" synagogue; I will check into it, but for the time being we call it "The Great Big Synagogue", because we imagine that its size is the salient factor. My friend asks good questions.

There were questions about family rates. I asked about the single rate and that was a bit complicated. There was a question about the kosher meals, cause we all meet, all movements, for meals. Too cool!!!! It's such a great time to shmooze and to get to know others. Maybe wander off with others as well. I know that people tend to be insular, and stay comfortable with their own family and friends, but ya never know when you might find an adventurous, curious, open to anything sort. I am optimistic. Anything is possible! Question: will this mission involve asking for a huge donation. Wow! I had no idea! I guess it is fair, but I don't have that kind of dough. Answer: no. Though fuel surcharges are a problem. Frankly, I am not that interested in staying in a 5 star hotel (though I may get used to it!), which costs mucho bucks, as much as just being in Israel. But I can understand that for older people the luxury aspect might be a draw. Even I wish sometimes that I were 20 again, when I had the stamina and enthusiasm and my body did not groan for the comforts of home. Nevertheless, I imagine myself sleepless in Israel for the entire length of my stay. I somehow think I would not care too much about being awake.

One year, here in LA, I attended an outdoor festival on the CSUN campus. This is what I remember: my friend L and I were sitting on the crest of a hill, shaded by palms. Neshama Carlebach had been playing down below. I heard the strains of "Am Yisrael Chai". A lot of people began dancing on the lawn, some waving the Israeli flag; some wrapped in it. The music continued at an increasingly fervent pace as did the dancers, swirling into tighter and tighter circles. Such joy. And I knew I was home.

And so, I think that I will soon be going home. Really and truly.

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I have been privileged to attend minyan almost every day. When we recite the prayer for Israel, though I read the English with kavannah, I also add my own words: Please bring shalom and healing to Israel. Spread over it Your shelter of peace. And I imagine all of Israel, all of her families, cloaked in G-d's tallit.

Am Yisrael Chai!

* An aside: Rebbe Soul has the most affecting version of Kaddish (click on "Hear the Music"). He recorded recitals of Kaddish in Israel and added them to the soundtrack. Someone I know at temple came to say Kaddish for his father and told me he played this version endlessly when he was driving.